In a fleeting moment

"Jeff before you go could you turn that chair more towards that pool."

I haven't worn a swimsuit without shorts since high school so this is new for me and I want to get to my chair as fast as I can. The thought of having to bend over and rearrange the chair with the slight possibility that someone might see me....horrifying.

I race out of one pool to my chair that is close to the 1 1/2 foot pool to watch the boys swim.

I watched them floating around in the floaty tubes that Bear calls hoops.

Man those boys are cute.
Maybe I should untie my top so I don't get tan lines...
I can't believe how tan my legs have gotten....

The boys float to a spot where a tree blocks my vision from them. Bear comes out on the other side. I wait a second. Another moment. Just one more and still no Bo. I leaned forward to see what the stinker was doing.

No!

I see my sweet baby upside down, head under water, with his green tube still around his waist. His legs, up in the air, aren't moving and he is completely still. No thrashing arms under the water.

Completely still.

I have never run so fast in my life but it took to long to get there. I sprang from my chair and ran through the landscape. Jumping in I began to scoop him up. On his way up I notice that his eyes are open but he was so still.

Oh God. I can't do this. Please don't do this.


Putting him against my chest I began hitting his back. People are standing at the edge watching us. They are asking each other questions and I can hear other people saying he was under water. I felt judged. I didn't want them looking at me if these were my last moments. I wanted to scream 'go away'. I wanted to yell.

No phone. I have no phone. I can't call 911.........someone else will have a phone. Please Bo please.

I was terrified that my second worst fear had come true. I didn't want to know what my friends have felt. I don't want to know that pain.


My baby. Please God please. I don't want to look at his face Lord. I can't do this Lord. Ple..


"That boy Momma...that boy Momma" my fears are melting away, "he has a....he has a.... basketball."


Before this there was no sound from him.
Nothing.
No gasping.
No crying.
He just started talking to me.


I have never heard more beautiful words in my life.


I clung tightly to him, never wanting to let him go. After some minutes passed I slowly did. Together we watched the boy with the ball. I can hear the sound of Bear's voice next to me but I'm wasn't listening. I am just praying thanks over and over again.


Bo turns and looks at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, "I drown down dere Momma" he says as he points down into the water. "I's looking at that ground."


I hugged him all over again. I began praying for forgiveness for the profanity that came from my mouth as I ran through the mulch to get to my sweet boy. And more prayers of thanks.

He sleeps with me tonight. I can't take my eyes off of him.

It would be an injustice for the world not to know this face.

Lord I don't know why some parents have to know that kind of pain but thank you for sparing me from it.